Wanted

This was a vision/picture/movie I had in my head the other day during some God-time. I felt a desire to share it with you all, since this applies to every Christian out there. You are loved, cared for, and wanted by the Most High. This is the reason He sent his Son to this earth so long ago. This is the reason we celebrate the birth if His son. He is the reason for the season.

Wanted

Do you ever feel trapped?

Do you ever feel lost?

Do you ever feel… wrong, somehow?

Off kilter?

I do. 

Or, at least I did.

Like I was walking in a huge city,

knowing exactly where I was going.

Then realizing, 

I've never been here before

and I have no idea where I'm going.

The city was closing in on me.

The streets started to look the same.

The buildings started to twist and bend.

That's when this man came to me.

He looked at me with such compassion in his eyes.

Then he asked me a question that I had no answer for:

"Where are you going?"

I looked at him, and I had to look away.

I felt ashamed that I didn't have an answer for his question.

Shockingly,

He took my chin into his hand, gently turning me face towards him.

I didn't want to look at him.

People were walking by…

What were they thinking of this?

But he held steady.

Then he whispered,

"Beloved."

And I felt like the only person in the world.

I felt like the most loved

Adored

Beautiful…

I felt wanted.

So I looked at him.

I looked him straight in the eye.

And the strangest thing happened. 

But it wasn't just one thing that happened.

It was like million things happened all at once and even though they were so different, they all…

Matched.

I felt aligned.

I knew I was free.

I knew I was found.

I knew I wasn't wrong anymore.

I was made right.

New.

And I just stared at him.

But then I heard the whispers.

"You don't deserve this."

"What have you done to deserve this?"

"What have you ever done?"

And I looked away.

I was lost again.

The whispers tormented.

I hated life.

I wanted to die.

I kept searching for that man.

I knew he was somewhere.

But where?

I couldn't do it anymore.

I fell on my knees,

waiting for death to come.

It was close wasn't it?

That's when a pair of hands came under my arms

lifted me up,

and sat me down on his lap.

I was found.

I looked up into my Savior's eyes,

and I never wanted to look away again.

He whispered,

"Beloved."

And I knew I was home.

Ignorance Is Not Bliss

It's hard to describe what has happened since I posted last.

In short, God is changing my life. I almost wish this school was a requirement after the DTS. There is so much transformation that takes place that doesn't happen in a DTS. I loved my DTS and the things that happened. I changed so much during that time.

But this time around, I feel the change in a deeper part of who I am. It's not only changing my mind and the way I think, but it's changing my heart and spirit. The things that matter the most. God is taking everything that's in my mind, crossing the gap, and taking it to my heart. This change is for life. It's for good. It's here to stay.

Something that I love about this school is the practical application. At first I absolutely hated it, thinking it was silly and annoying. Now that I actually understand what it does and see the change that comes from it, I know this is something that I can take into my life after the school.

Sometimes I wish the school could go on forever. Sometimes I want it to end right now, in this moment. It's so hard, but has anything good and lasting ever come form breezing through a battle? How can that even happen? It's a freaking battle! With swords and shields and the shedding of blood! Who could sit through that? Only the ignorant.

I am no longer ignorant. Light has been shed on my life. Whoever said ignorance is bliss must have lived under a rock their whole life. In my life, ignorance has just brought me painful wounds that never healed. I was even ignorant about the fact that I had wounds. Only once I knew the truth did the wounds begin to heal. Yeah, it totally hurts. Every new truth brings new hurt. But it's a good hurt. You know how when you use Listerine it burns so bad, but you use it anyway because you know it's going to kill all those filthy germs? And you know the burning is temporary. It will go away. Healing is just like that. The pain is temporary, the cure is Jesus, and the true bliss lasts forever.

Ignorance is not bliss. IGNORE-ance is undiscovered wounds. Darkness. Death.

I was scared to allow truth into my life. I'd lived so long in my darkness and ignorance, I was afraid to come into the light. But it wasn't because I was afraid of the truth. No. I wanted the truth. I was just afraid because I didn't know HOW to walk in this new light. HOW to live in this new way. But because of this fear, I wasn't growing. I wasn't allowing the Holy Spirit to touch the deepest parts of me.

I had to overcome my fear of the unknown. We had a teaching on the Holy Spirit and who He is and what His functions are in the trinity. His biggest attribute is helper. As Jesus said before He left this earth, He was not leaving us alone. He was leaving so that the helper could come. I learned through this that He, the Holy Spirit, is going to help me. He is going to teach me how to walk in the light and in this new way of living. I don't know how to do this, but HE DOES. And He wants to help me through it!

So don't be afraid of the light. Allow it to shine into your life and bring about an everlasting change. I'm not going to tell you it's easy. I hope no one ever says this to you. I'm going to tell you it's hard, but the hardest things in life are the best things in life.

Luke 9:23b-25

"Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat—I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you?"

From The Inside Out

God is changing me and every student here from the inside out.
We are learning about ourselves and telling each other what we've been learning and discovering. I've seen the change on each of their faces, including my own, and it makes me excited to see what God is going to do with the rest of our time here. We all look refreshed, healthy, and ready for this coming week. We have been renewed.
I can't believe we're only in our 3rd week of school! SO much has happened, mostly on the inside, in the heart, but I feel like I've been here a year!
Please be praying that we will be able to keep an open heart and mind, and be able to continue sharing our hearts with our leaders and each other.
Also, I'm still in need of finances for outreach and living expenses. Please be praying for that! If you feel lead to give, there are two ways, both on the right hand side of this blog.
You're all awesome!!

Isaías 43:13
"Desde la eternidad y hasta la eternidad, yo soy Dios.
    No hay quien pueda arrebatar a nadie de mi mano;
    nadie puede deshacer lo que he hecho."

Detalles. Details. Unconditional Love.

I have an awesome God-thing to share with you guys.

For about 2 weeks, the parents of one of my fellow students was staying with us. I can’t explain it, but I immediately trusted them. I felt like I had known them for a long time and that they cared about me... after 3 days of knowing them. I know! Crazy, but so true. I got to know them over the two weeks that they were here, and I began to really like them, and even love them. 

I had multiple dreams Tuesday night that starred my family and California. (This is not off topic, I promise.) I woke up on Wednesday feeling extremely homesick and sad. One of the things we’re leaning in this school is how to go to God BEFORE we turn to music or our friends or anything else. So, I cried out to God and I asked him to please give me a hug today. I missed the physical touch of my family, and if I could just have one really great hug, an embrace, I would be so happy.

Then I found out that my friend’s parents were leaving that day. I grew more sad knowing that I was losing friends, just as I was really getting to know them. We all went out to the sidewalk to see them off. I gave both the parents hugs, and here’s the God-thing: when I hugged my friend’s dad, he hugged me back and said, “I love you,” then hugged me harder. My eyes welled up with tears and spilled over. I said, “I love you, too,” and off he went to get into the taxi that took them both to the airport.

The fact that I had cried out to God that same morning asking for a hug, asking for comfort today, and getting it in such an unexpected way, amazes me. GOD JUST AMAZES ME. I love how He works. I love it so much. And to be honest, I had forgotten that I asked God for a hug. When my friend’s dad hugged me, I was just crying because I love him and I was sad to see him leave. I only remembered that I asked God for a hug when I started writing this post, and I cried again. Realizing how God really pays attention and listens to even the smallest desires of our hearts really puts life in perspective for me. 

God really does care. He cares about the fact that I was sad and needed comfort from a father figure. He cares about the fact that I miss my family. He cares about the fact that I miss my friends. That I miss hugs. That I miss the comforts of home. He CARES. He isn’t going to leave me hanging. I know that now. He cares about every detail of my life, and He's going to fulfill my desires in the most perfect way possible: with His unfailing, unconditional love.

Psalm 34:18 

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”

Psalm 37:23

“The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He DELIGHTS in EVERY DETAIL of their lives.” (word emphasis by me) 

Beginning The Process

We've finished our first week of classes, but it feels like we've been here a month already! The classes are very intense. The first two days we were taught on the fear of God, and then the next three were spent discussing the divine plumb line talked about in Amos 7:7-9, and how we need to align our lives to God's plumb line. It was intense, to say the least. And we have 4 or so more weeks of it. I hope I don't sound like I'm complaining, because that is the opposite of what I'm feeling. I'm looking forward to the coming weeks and what God has in store for me and the rest of the students!

There are 6 girls and 4 guys, and most of them can speak English! Their abilities range from being fluent to knowing a few words, but I can communicate with most of them! It's nice knowing that if I don't know how to say something in Spanish, I can ask one of them and they help me out. I'm learning a lot of Spanish just being emersed in the language. But our lessons are also translated for me, so hearing the Spanish and then English is helping me learn more words and phrases.

Yesterday, we went on an adventure into the beautiful city of Buenos Aires. We went to an outdoor market and had so much fun looking at all the things people were selling. FUN FUN FUN!

Here's lots of pictures for you guys to enjoy!

This guy made his own camera a took these pictures! The two round things right in front of him to his right are the cameras.

The market!

Argentina!

Of course. :)

Sooo pretty!!

Guilla modeling for me. 

Being silly!

My models for the day. Aren't they gorgeous?

Pancakes... I think.

Thought of you, mom!

Jumanji, Haunted Mansion... Yup. It's apparently real.

At this point, I gave my camera to Mariana and let her have some fun. I love seeing what other people see that I don't! The thing I love about the pictures Mariana took, is she took so many pictures of THE PEOPLE. I'm so into the art and buildings, I always miss that.

I can almost hear their conversation in my head. :D

This is actually one of my classmates. But this was just too awesome not to add to this blog. :p

Thanks for the pictures, Maii!!

This is where we had linner. (lunch/dinner) It was pretty great. 

Is it the sun or the moon?! (It's the sun guys... Don't try fooling yourselves like we did... :p)

The pink government house, at night!

Changing of the... oh... no, not the guards, but the flag.

Guilla took these. I love them!